Bromedy Gold
by Directionless Angel
Summary: "I WOULD NEVER TAKE A VACATION FOR ANY REASON," claims Papyrus. He's taking one now.


_[A/N] This is technically a continuation to "Joyfully Ever After" but I think you can (probably?) read this separately. If you get confused, that's where to go._

* * *

The sun is high on a beautiful March day. Its rays light up the streets and the snow and ice that still hangs to them by a thread. The days have been getting consistently warmer since the beginning of this month, but it still can't quite be described as springtime.

The birds don't seem to care, since they sing their whistling melodies at the edges of the city anyway. It's a perfect Saturday to visit a newly opened resort; Specifically, the first new MTT Resort on the Surface.

Yet, Papyrus still looks more than unhappy as Undyne leads them to the register and checks them in.

The lobby is large and decorated in golden shades with a Mettaton statue as the centerpiece. The register is on the left side of the entrance, with the waiting area opposite to it. It's full of humans and monsters, some with brochures and maps of the building in hand. Everything is spacious and carefully organized, and the skeleton hates every inch of it.

He groans in dissatisfaction when Undyne finally pulls away from the receptionist with their keycards in hand.

"Come on, don't give me that face!" she demands with a disappointed look while handing out Papyrus' card. "I don't get why you hate vacationing so much, but we're only going to be here until tomorrow. Then we'll go right back to the _wonderfully_ stressful student life."

"VACATIONING IS A WASTE OF TIME! I DON'T NEED CONSTANT BREAKS TO BE PRODUCTIVE," the skeleton whines as they start dragging their suitcases out of the lobby.

"That's great for you, but the rest of us need some downtime once in a while," Undyne sighs. Papyrus' browline furrows.

"REALLY? EVEN YOU, UNDYNE?" He actually sounds like he's in disbelief.

"Well, yeah!" she admits, exasperated by the reaction. "Besides, we're not even here specifically to vacation, this time. We're here see your brother's standup act, remember?"

Papyrus' frown deepens.

"I WAS TRYING NOT TO," he replies uneasily. He'd been considering evading the topic entirely, but if his friend is going to address it directly, he might as well convey his true feelings.

Undyne does look a tad more sympathetic right then.

"Okay, I'm not so keen on that part, either. I mean, I'm all for comedy, but I'd prefer it in an animated form! With SWORD FIGHTS!" She gets increasingly excited toward the end of her response. "But it was Alphys' idea, so we're doing it. I trust her judgement."

Papyrus elects not to respond to that, keeping his thoughts to himself. He's still angry at Sans for keeping things for him... One of those things being the fact that he's been working for Papyrus' idol behind his back. He's never even received an autograph, even though it's been well in the realm of possibilities!

"I DON'T GET HOW SANS COULD EVEN PULL OFF SERIOUS COMEDY, ANYWAY! ALL HE EVER DOES IS MAKE CHEESY PUNS THAT ANYONE COULD THINK OF," he instead chooses to say. They reach the elevator to the upper floors and step inside. Undyne checks their floor number again before pressing down on the button labeled '4'.

"You've got me there, buddy. I have no idea what he's said to Mettaton to earn himself a slot in the schedule," shrugs Undyne. She gives an absent-minded glance to the mirror in the elevator and messes with her hair for the duration of the ride.

Papyrus keeps mulling it over. The pieces still don't quite click in his head, but he figures it's best to not ponder on it. He'll find out what kind of shenanigans have rewarded Sans with this strange popularity in due time, even if he remains reluctant to the idea.

.

They arrive at their rooms and go to drop off their luggage. Papyrus enters the space reserved for him and closes the door after, dragging his bag close to the center.

It's a well lit room with a large window overlooking it. The walls are covered in gold-colored wallpaper, but a shade that isn't making the decor look too heavy, either. The furniture is wooden and of the modern standard. Soft yellow curtains are pinned to either side of the white-framed window.

Papyrus drops his bag by the bed before striding over to the glass. He opens the old-fashioned clasp and pushes the plates open, then looks down at the view of the yard.

There's clearly been a lot of effort put in to placing beams, stony walkways and stylized artwork to make up the overall appearance of the courtyard. Any trees or bushes are yet to be planted because of the snow, but the problem og looking too empty has been averted with romantic light-displays.

The skeleton sighs, feeling his shoulders give in under the weight of Undyne's logic. Maybe vacationing won't be so very terrible for one weekend. Papyrus is ahead in all his work for the Academy, anyway. And at least he'll have a pleasant atmosphere while staying here.

It's the perfect timing when a knock sounds into the room. He closes the window before striding over to his door and he opens it without hesitation.

"All settled in?" Undyne asks, already looking much more relaxed than at the time of their arrival. "Ready or not, we're going out now! Alphys and your brother won't be here until six, so we have all this time to ourselves!"

Hm, that's a positive. Hanging out with his best friend, free of duties, should be rewarding. He can finally bring himself to smile honestly at their situation.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO FIRST? HIT THE ARCADE? THE INDOOR POOLS? GRAB A TRICYCLE AND PRETEND WE'RE THAT CREEPY KID FROM THAT MOVIE ABOUT THE HOTEL?"

"Um, maybe not that third one," Undyne sweats. Not that she's scared of a _movie_ out of all things, of course...! She watches those _all the time_! "But yeah! Let's do the other things you said! I've been dying to go for a swim for a long time now!"

And that's exactly what they end up doing. While Undyne swims and dives her heart away, Papyrus lounges by the pools. Being a skeleton, he isn't actually that fond of water, but he thinks it just fun to watch Undyne.

Not to mention the fact that he can still play around with her without ever stepping foot into the pool. He can come up with challenges for her, toss up rings and other things she needs to catch or get from the bottom of the water, or even have her push him around while he balances on a surfboard or a swimming mattress.

The most fun he probably has that afternoon is when Undyne hops into the water from the highest diving board, doing all sorts of physically demanding twirls and volts on her way down. He writes up a series of number boards for himself and rates each jump, sometimes with added commentary that makes her howl with laughter.

It's a few hours later when they finally manage to pull themselves out of the area, reasoning that they'll never get anything else done if they don't part then. Besides, they're both getting hungry from the exercise. Mainly Undyne, though.

They make a break for the restaurant, which is still set up as a buffet until four. They have almost a full hour before the hotel's lunch time comes to an end, and another three before the evening program starts. Since this is the opening weekend, it's bound to be an extravagant show.

And Sans is performing. Papyrus still avoids thinking about the enigma.

Undyne is ahead of him in line to the food and fills her plate with mainly vegetables and spicy dishes, but with a healthy dose of protein, too. He's much more vanilla when it comes to his taste in flavors, so he stays away from the chili and jalapeño in sight. All the food is of course monster friendly, made specifically to be converted into magical energy upon each bite, unlike human food. The humans who've tried it are very taken by it.

They sit down at one of the few tables available and enjoy their food with the accompaniment of some pleasant conversation. When there's a brief pause in it, however, Papyrus can't help but overhear the chatter from the table right next to theirs.

" _That skeleton guy is going to do comedy here tonight,"_ a young female voice tells.

" _'Skeleton guy?' Oh, you mean the one from those videos?"_ another one responds.

" _Yeah! I had no idea before I looked at the performance schedule. Did you see the clip someone took of him and his brother at the mall?"_

" _I haven't! Should I watch it? What do I type into the search?"_

" _Umm, 'Funny Skeletons At the Mall' or something. I just know the thumbnail is like a pic of them arguing."_

While neither of them are looking at the other table, both Undyne and Papyrus are clearly listening in to the conversation. Papyrus is having an inner debate with himself, almost wanting to butt it and announce his presence, but he doesn't want to bother the pair's meal either.

They end up leaving without going to say hello, but when the humans notice them by the door, Papyrus does smile and wave at them. The recognition hits and they gawk in surprise, then one of them waves back excitedly.

He chuckles before following Undyne into the lobby. It's nice being popular, even if it's happened unintentionally in the end.

"Those girls were pretty cute!" his friend comments off-handedly, striding toward the arcade. Papyrus shrugs.

"YES, BUT DON'T THINK THAT GIVES YOU AN EXCUSE TO GO BOTHER THEM," he reminds her softly, "THEY WERE JUST ENJOYING A FUNNY VIDEO! THAT DOESN'T MEAN THEY WANT TO TALK TO ME."

"Well aren't you the gentleman! But I wasn't gonna go bother them anyway," she protests weakly, grinning as she does. There's a small skip in her step, which is kind of funny considering her otherwise un-girly personality.

"I'M SURE YOU WEREN'T," Papyrus jabs at her good-naturedly.

The near-dispute is forgotten about a minute later, when they enter the room full of different games. The walls are painted dark here, giving the abundance of neon lights a very attractive emphasis.

The skeleton spies another open door on the far end of the room. There's a sign overlooking it that spells out 'CASINO' in capital letters. He hopes Undyne doesn't get the idea of going in there, since he's not sure how she handles herself in such a place. He doesn't want to find out, either.

Lucky for him, she seems completely satisfied with the non-risky kind of games.

"Ooh! There's a dancing game here like the one at the other arcade!" she exclaims as she runs over to said machine. Papyrus stays on her heels.

"OTHER ARCADE?" he questions. He hasn't been aware Undyne has been in a different arcade before.

"Yeah!" she confirms while starting up the machine. Since they've paid for the arcade beforehand as hotel guests, there's no need for game tokens. She simply rings her room card through the appropriate slot. "While you all were out of the apartment, I was really bored! So I went to explore and found an arcade near our neighbourhood! I got totally addicted to this game there. It's the best!"

"OH! WELL, YOU COULD HAVE ASKED ME TO COME WITH YOU SOMETIME!"

"We're here now, aren't we?!" she grins widely, brushing off the subject. "Come on, I'll show you how to RULE at this!"

Undyne's alleged addiction to the game shows. She knows many of the songs inside and out and hits all the steps exactly. Some others in the arcade even stop by to watch her on her turns sometimes. They both revel in the attention, of course.

When it comes the time for Papyrus to try, with Undyne's instruction, he proves out to be quite the talent at the exercise. While he doesn't have the fish monster's experience, he's never been one to fall short on a task when one is presented to him. Even when he makes a mistake in his footwork, the next time the same pattern plays, it's like he's always known how it's supposed to be done.

By the time they're done with the dance machine, they're both panting and laughing at each other from sheer adrenaline – or whatever the monster equivalent. This is the exact type of activity they could never enjoy well with Alphys and Sans around, as those two are the direct opposite of physical prowess. But admittedly they do make for a great audience to their challenges!

The next game they play is a racing game. Papyrus proves far superior at it once he's figured out the controls, even if Undyne is an admittable foe. She just doesn't have the same patience for getting the turns right or getting herself out of drifting quickly enough. Papyrus is far too precise with everything to make for a sloppy performance.

Undyne doesn't win even one of their races despite coming close a few times, so they eventually give up on the game and go find something they're more equal at.

That something turns out to be fighting games. Their playstyles are different, with Undyne relying more on aggression and quick move combos, and Papyrus more on tricking his enemy into false openings and defending. Both ways have their pros and cons, which ends up with a more even score regarding the victories. The game unintentionally reminds them of the sparring they used to do in the Underground.

The comparison and the progression of the game also makes Papyrus think about how his brother would undoubtedly play. He's noticed that, when he does a jumpkick on a certain part of the map, the animation interrupts and he can squeeze in an extra move just a little bit quicker. That's exactly the kind of flaw that Sans would mercilessly exploit, but Papyrus much rather plays fair and by the rules set in the game.

He wonders how the game has ended up in production with a glitch like that, anyway. Maybe it's actually less noticeable than he realizes.

Their score is one point in Undyne's favor when the clock ticks close to Papyrus' dreaded hour. He sighs and puts down his controller, knowing they should go meet the other two monsters in the lobby.

"Calling it quits?" his friend questions, then pulls out her phone to check the time. "Good idea, actually. Alphys is done with work for the day."

They rise from their seats and free up the game for someone else to use. The walk out of the arcade is silence for the most part, but it's a nice, companionable silence. Undyne stretches her arms up as they step through the door, then casually rests them behind her head.

Since there's no sight of their girlfriend and brother, respectively, they sit down on one of the unoccupied couches to wait.

"YOU KNOW, I MIGHT HAVE BEEN TOO HASTY TO TURN DOWN A TRIP TO A RESORT," Papyrus finally admits, twiddling his thumbs. Undyne turns to him, then slumps into the back of the sofa.

"Told you! You gotta trust me on these things, Papyrus!" she chuckles. Papyrus notes how happy and relaxed she looks. The sight ends any suspicions he's had about other people needing breaks once in a while, even if he himself still feels no different.

"YOU ARE RIGHT. BUT I WILL STILL NOT TAKE TIME OFF WORK OR SCHOOL FOR THE SAKE OF A VACATION!" he responds, making his boundaries clear from the get-go, even if he's allowing for leeway from now on.

"I mean, if that's what you want, dude. I'm not going to force you into a spa with me, or something!" she exclaims, looking amused with her comment. Papyrus feels himself start to smile again, too.

"A SPA? WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO ANYWAY, EXFOLIATE MY SKIN? FILE MY NAILS?"

That makes Undyne crack up with laughter.

"Okay, wise guy! You got me there! But you know what kind of spa treatment I can give you, right?" There's mischief in her eyes that Papyrus completely misses.

"NO, WHAT IS IT?" he asks, unsuspecting.

"A THOROUGH HEADRUB!"

"NO!"

It's too late by that time, of course. Undyne always catches him off guard with an overly forceful noogie.

"welp, you two look like you're having fun."

The familiar voice makes the fish monster come into a stop with her act and she releases the taller skeleton from her grip. While Papyrus is recovering from the public humiliation for the umpteenth time, Undyne darts up from her seat.

"Alphyyys!" she shouts happily when she spies her nerdy girlfriend standing beside Sans right by their chosen seats.

"H-hey! I-I'm happy to see y-you too!" Alphys informs her with a nervous smile and a faint blush. She's still in her outer clothes and pulling a suitcase behind her.

While the lovers exchange pleasantries, Sans takes the liberty of sitting down next to his brother. He looks no different from usual, even if he's wearing a pair of baggy jeans that look newer than anything else he owns. No one really even pays attention to his pants anyway, not with the fact that he still has slippers as his chosen footwear.

"having fun at the resort?"

Papyrus straightens out his t-shirt to distract himself from any negative comment that might slip from his mouth.

"IT IS MORE PLEASANT THAN I EXPECTED," he amends, eyes averted from Sans.

"really? then i guess i won't have to _resort_ to making all the hor- _rib_ -le jokes i'd thought up to turn the day around," the older brother replies as obvious provocation. Papyrus' eyes snap to him regardless, full of irritation.

"UGH! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT A NICE DAY LIKE THIS DOES NOT NEED, SANS! I'VE ALREADY PROMISED TO SIT THROUGH AN UNINTERRUPTED PERFORMANCE OF YOUR CALIBER OF HUMOR TODAY! I DON'T NEED ANY EXTRA SPRINKLED ON TOP!" he demands, arms flailing with emotion. Sans chuckles at that, still filled with ease as he stands back up.

"gotcha. i'll leave the sprinkles for my pet rock," he promises, shrugging. Papyrus glares at him.

"YES, YOU SHOULD!"

The interaction is interrupted by Alphys.

"G-guys, I-I'm going to g-go drop my luggage in U-Undyne's room," she says, gesturing to her bag, "A-and then we were g-going to visit the s-spa. B-but we'll see you guys at s-seven, when the evening program s-starts."

"yeah, that sounds good to me. i'm gonna go check in with the receptionist. if this is anything like the last place i did shows for, they're gonna want me on books asap."

"T-that s-sounds l-l-like Mettaton," Alphys snickers. Then she takes Undyne's hand and the couple drifts toward the elevator. "O-okay, catch you two l-later!"

Papyrus finally stands up too and the brothers automatically share looks.

"i'll be right back. we can do whatever ya want while waiting for the others."

The taller skeleton considers this.

"WELL... OKAY," he accepts the offer, since it'd be pointless not to. He's not going to go to the spa, so he might as well reacquaint himself with Sans' company. It's been some time since they've last seen each other, after all.

Sans doesn't grace him with another response, or at least with more than a nod before he does as he's told and visits the receptionist. Papyrus waits patiently for his return.

When the brothers are reunited again, the younger of them leads them back into the arcade. He had fun with Undyne, so it only makes sense to continue the activity. Especially since Sans presents him with an entire different kind of challenge when it comes to the sport.

He purposefully lines them up for that same fighting game him and Undyne had consistently tied in. He wants to silently see if his theory about Sans' fighting technique will be accurate.

"this looks kinda retro," his brother comments casually as they sit down and pick up the controllers.

"IT'S JUST A STYLISTIC CHOICE," Papyrus educates him as he picks himself one of the characters. Sans does the same, though spends a minute longer studying his options due to being new to the game.

The first match is taken by Papyrus, but right off the bat he can see Sans starting to figure out how everything works. He spends more time experimenting than actually trying to beat his brother, which is fine. It'll become obvious when he begins to play for real.

After Papyrus' second victory and during their third match, he catches it. Sans has noticed the same glitch he has: There's a revealing glint in his eyelights when it happens. Nobody would notice it if they weren't looking for it, but Papyrus has been. He can't help they way his smile curves in anticipation.

Sans says nothing, but his fingers suddenly work the controller in an entirely different manner. Every move is quick and purposeful, and his character in game begins to perform sequences Undyne took far longer to figure out and perfect. Suddenly, there's no breathing room – no space for any mistakes – or you'll get destroyed by the most efficient series of movements Papyrus has seen in a long time.

And that suits him just fine. After all, he loves being challenged. A small 'nyeh' exits his mouth when the fighting finally becomes _fun_.

Though Sans is still much more aggressive in playstyle than Papyrus, he applies similar techniques to his brother. That's why when Papyrus presents him with a fake opening, Sans is also smart enough to pull back and put up his defence. That makes it impossible for the younger of the two to keep applying the same battle plan and it forces him to adapt.

With the constant back and forth, they end up talking very little. That's also good, because it means Sans can keep his promise about not making bad jokes before his show. Of course, him not being distracted causes him to put all his energy into the game, which shows in their scores when they decide they've had enough.

"whoops, did we really play for that long?" Sans asks rhetorically while checking the time, "i mean, i'm completely beat, so i guess i shoulda noticed."

"PLEASE! THE MOST YOU HAD TO DO WAS MOVE YOUR THUMBS AROUND A LITTLE!" Papyrus teases as they get up to leave.

"hey, i clearly exerted myself out there. i did reign supreme on the scoreboards, after all."

"THAT IS BECAUSE YOU CHEATED! DON'T THINK FOR ONE SECOND I DIDN'T NOTICE!"

Sans looks like he might actually be mildly surprised because of the statement, but the emotion doesn't remain on his face for long. Instead, he laughs. He always does.

"i'm not saying that i noticed a few holes, but i'm also not saying i didn't."

"PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY? YOUR CASE IS WEAK, SKELETON!"

"look at you, sounding like you've done your law homework," Sans teases back.

"YOU KNOW I ALWAYS DO MY WORK WELL AND ON TIME!" Papyrus reminds him sincerely. They're both smiling, and it's not just because they're skeletons. "UNDYNE!"

The exclamation is let out when Papyrus spies his friend near the entrance of the restaurant. She immediately meets his gaze.

"Heya there, nerds!" she shouts oh-so-lovingly. Her and Alphys both look like they're still in a good mood, and Undyne's hair has been done up into a nice-looking bun. Her nails are painted a red that matches her hair. Alphys has shed her outer coat and is now wearing an anime-themed t-shirt paired with a black skirt.

"T-this is fine, r-right? There's n-no strict dresscode?" she questions while gesturing to her outfit once. Sans looks her over when they stop to stand at conversation distance.

"i wouldn't worry. they've yet to kick me out, so i'm guessin' anything goes," he points out with a mirthful wink. "let's just go grab a table before they all fill up."

"I SECOND THAT IDEA," Papyrus nods and looks past Undyne to see into the spacious room. People are flooding in right past them. Even if Sans can get them in with the excuse of being one of the performers, Papyrus doesn't wish to act so entitled.

With a waiter's help, they manage to get a table just big enough for the four monsters. While not in the first row, it's still in a position where you can see the stage clearly, which is just about perfect.

Since the restaurant has switched into a mood appropriate for dinner or supper, the lights have been dimmed to reflect the atmosphere. All tables have one or two white candles lit at the center, adding to the theme. The most light seen in the room is the light directed straight at the front center of the stage.

Papyrus spies for any reaction about the scene from his brother, but Sans doesn't seem fazed in the least. Is he really that confident in his act?

"wanna order appetizers? it'll be a while before i go up, so we're not in hurry," Sans suggests when there comes a natural pause to do so.

"Y-yeah, I s-saw in the schedule. Y-you're on at n-nine o'clock," Alphys confirms. Papyrus can't help another confused look. That's an actual good time slot, too. He's not just someone to warm up the audience, he's one of, if not _the_ main attraction.

For the first time in his life, Papyrus feels like he needs a drink. Nothing makes sense anymore, so might as well indulge, right?

"YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S GET CHAMPAGNE! IT'S A SPECIAL OCCASION, ISN'T IT?" he announces while pretending to look at the menu.

"Now _that_ I can get behind!" Undyne replies while smiling widely. "But also, let's get some shrimp or something."

Sans shoots her a curious look and Undyne frowns.

"What?! Do you think these teeth are just for show?! Fish can eat other fish, you know!" she tells him aggressively.

"hey, i didn't say anything," he defends.

When the waiter comes over, they do get a shared tray of shrimp with pieces of chili paprika in a separate dish. They also get the bottle of champagne Papyrus had suggested, which is served into tall glasses for each of them.

The clock strikes seven only moments after, and a flashing light calls attention toward the stage. The chatter in the room dies down and the blinking stops. Sounds of an electric guitar start off a song that is all rise in theme.

" _LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! BEAUTIES AND GENTLEBEAUTIES!"_

Mettaton's voice rings through every speakers in the room. The lights on the stage start to spin, and when he rolls in through the curtains, glittering confetti is blown into the air. A wave of applause rings through the restaurant.

"THANK YOU SO MUCH, DARLINGS! YOU'RE ALL TOO KIND!" Mettaton tells them in his robotic voice, wearing the boxier one of his two known forms, "AND WELCOME TO MY NEW RESORT! I HOPE EVERYONE HAS BEEN HAVING A LOVELY TIME SO FAR!

"NOW, IT'S FINALLY THE TIME YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR! MANY OF MY TALENTED PERFORMERS FROM THE UNDERGROUND HAVE COME TO SHOW OFF THEIR ACTS TO THE SURFACE WORLD FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME! EXPECT ONLY THE BEST, FOR THAT IS WHAT THE MTT-BRAND STANDS FOR: PERFECTION!

"THERE IS NOT ONLY A REPEAT OF OLD AND RELIABLE, OF COURSE. I HAVE ALSO BROUGHT IN A SLEW OF NEW TALENT DISCOVERED DURING THE TIME I'VE TAKEN TO BRING IT OUT FOR YOUR EYES AND EARS TO ENJOY! SO PLEASE CONSUME THIS MINDLESS ENTERTAINMENT WELL, BECAUSE YOU'VE ALREADY PAID FOR IT ANYWAY!

"THAT'S ALL! ENJOY THE SHOW, EVERYONE!"

Mettaton rolls out the exact same way he'd come from and the music fades out with his exit. A very tired-looking cat monster enters the stage from the side, wearing a MTT-branded uniform as he drags a microphone stand to the center.

After testing the microphone works, he leans into it to speak:

"Ladies and gentlemen, please keep in mind that filming any of the performances is _strictly_ forbidden. Please, please, _please_ keep that in mind. I do not want to lose my job just because something gets leaked online before my boss gives it an okay. Thank you for your time, and once more: Do not. Take. Video."

The mic makes an unpleasant pop at the last word. The monster doesn't look even a bit apologetic before he drags himself off the stage, muttering something incoherent.

Once he's gone, the first actual performer walks up on stage. It's a human woman, someone who looks just a tiny bit nervous about whatever she's going to say.

"S-so, hello everyone! Having a good time?" she asks, giggling a bit to try and play off her nervousness. A few people answer her with friendly cheers and soft clapping. "That's good. That's already better than most of my shows go. Let me tell you... My parents can be a pretty tough audience."

The charming way in which she presents her first joke earns her some chuckles. It's still on the milder side, considering this is the first performance of the evening.

"S-she's good," Alphys comments quietly. Sans nods his agreement. If nothing else, the girl is definitely playing to her strenghts.

"My next joke was going to be something about how they want me to be responsible, but I kind of forgot what I wrote in my notes." She pauses, and new chuckles ring across the space. Good, the audience is lax tonight. That's always a comedian's friend.

"" _This is exactly why you shouldn't have wasted so much time on studying!"_ my mom would say." Her imitation is good enough to make the audience laugh a little louder this time. "Buut I did, and... Here we are." Some clapping, then. Alphys' intuition has been proven correct.

The show goes on in a similar fashion until the audience is truly warmed up. When the woman is done, she looks a lot less nervous if you don't pay attention to the way her hands are shaking. She thanks everyone for their attention, bows, then tries to walk out through the wrong direction.

She's being laughed at again when she realizes her mistake, then makes a U-turn to the appropriate way out of the spotlight. Clichéd, but situational humor is rarely not funny.

" _Bianca Rhoades, everyone,"_ announces the bored voice of the cat monster through the audio system.

"Whoa, I did not expect the comedy to actually be... Funny!" Undyne tells her table while the performer is switching. Sans snorts at the comment.

"W-what did you expect it t-to be, then?" questions Alphys, about as amused as Sans.

"I just figured this is one of those boring adult conventions you kind of just sit through?" she responds uncertainly.

"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT?" Papyrus admits honestly.

"Well! Y'know! The...!" Undyne scrambles for an explanation, but gives in when the next performance is announced. "Nevermind! Let's just watch."

The following acts belong to not only other comedians, but singers and dancers, too. There's really not a weak performance that you could point out in the succession, so the bar is set pretty high by the time nine o'clock approaches. Papyrus can feel his nerves getting to him, but Sans still looks like he doesn't even know he's going up there soon.

Maybe he _doesn't_ know. Maybe he's experiencing a sudden bout of dementia. That can happen, right?

"think i'm gonna go grab something from the bar," Sans says, startling Papyrus out of his thoughts. He's getting alcohol? Maybe he _is_ nervous, then. Papyrus thinks he _should_ be!

"M-me too, actually. Undyne, d-did you w-want anything?"

"Nah! You two go ahead, I'm set for now," she tells them and watches as the two shorter monsters get off the table. They engage in quiet conversation while making their way through the room.

"IS IT JUST ME OR WILL SANS MAKE A COMPLETE FOOL OF HIMSELF UP THERE?" Papyrus asks his friend when his brother is out of earshot. Undyne grins.

"I hope he does. It'd be way funny!" she whisper-exclaims. "By the way, you seem like you're buddy-buddy with him again. Did you kiss and make up?"

Papyrus tries and fails to not pout.

"WE DIDN'T, BUT..." he starts, eyes lowering to the table. His hand goes to the champagne glass he's never actually finished. "WHENEVER I'M ANGRY AT HIM, HE JUST MAKES HIS STUPID JOKES LIKE HE NORMALLY DOES, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I FORGET WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE MAD AT HIM FOR. IT'S CONFUSING."

Undyne looks puzzled for a moment, but it doesn't last. She's not in the mood for mental gymnastics.

"I guess that's brothers for you? I wouldn't know, I'm an only child."

"I GUESS," Papyrus amends, shrugging.

Alphys and Sans make their way back to the table, each carrying their differing drinks. Alphys' is a colorful cocktail with a cherry and a plastic stick with a picture of Mettaton on one end. Sans' drink is... Brown. And it has ice in it. All Papyrus can definitely tell from its appearance is that it's some kind of alcohol, and that isn't much.

The clock keeps ticking closer to the hour of truth. When it's only five minutes away, Papyrus keeps checking his phone under the table. The current performer is a cover band doing an amazing version of a pop song Papyrus recognizes from the radio.

"i think they're lookin' for me in the back by now," Sans tells the others as quietly as he can while also being heard. "i'll come back here when my turn ends. wish me luck, i guess?" he continues and stands, raising his glass as goodbye. Papyrus notices that he's barely had any of the liquid inside. He also takes it with him when he leaves.

Papyrus sits stiffly, checking his phone again. Four minutes to go. Then three. Two. The band finally stops playing and the audience applauds them. Instruments are being carried off the stage.

"I BET HE'S JUST GOING TO MAKE A BUNCH OF "KNOCK KNOCK"-JOKES, OR SOMETHING SIMILAR! WHY DID I AGREE TO THIS?" he finally lets his panic slip.

Alphys' demeanor experiences a clear change. Her brows are furrowed in confusion from where she's nestled into Undyne's side. She stares at Papyrus as if he's just said something entirely nonsensical.

"W-wait, you mean you've n-never seen Sans p-perform?" she then asks in complete disbelief.

Papyrus doesn't know what to say to that.

"I haven't either," Undyne reminds her girlfriend. Alphys looks to her, smile still sullied by her confusion from just now.

"W-well I knew t-that much," she murmurs to the other.

Papyrus checks his phone. _Nine_. He swallows uselessly and slips the device into his pocket.

It feels all too soon when the announcer speaks up again.

" _Look at that, an audience favorite making a return. Give it up for your favorite skeleton, Sans,"_ says the voice with minimal enthusiasm. Papyrus can't look away from the spotlight, expecting a trainwreck.

And in walks Sans, looking just like he had at their table five minutes prior. He walks with his glass of whatever alcohol in hand and, on his way to the microphone, he looks to nearly stumble on its long wire.

Some of the people around whisper or even giggle about it quietly, but Papyrus wants to die.

Finally, Sans makes it safely to the microphone and he takes a moment to adjust it to his height. Then he clears his throat, which is pretty pointless because he doesn't even have a throat.

"a skeleton walks into a restaurant..."

Sans' first sentence starts and all of Papyrus' fears are confirmed. Sans is going to tell horrible jokes for the entire lenght of his performance and no one is going to laugh. Papyrus has called it all, and this has been the worst decision of his life, and he's about to turn and tell as much to Undyne and ask that they _leave right now_ –

But then, Sans continues.

"no, _really_ , that's how i'm starting. I mean, it'd be a lot easier to explain how the skeleton ends up completely hammered on stage if i'd said: "a skeleton walks into a bar," but we _are_ at a restaurant, so what are you gonna do?"

He raises his glass and takes a sip from his drink, and... There's laughter. Papyrus feels confusion return into his chest, clutching at his soul.

"anyway... i was going to ask my brother to come and join me here tonight." Whispers carry through the air. "yeah. i kept thinking to myself, trying to come up with some ways to talk him into getting up on stage with me, and still keeping him convinced that we're not making a scene."

Laughter again – but what really catches Papyrus' attention is the fact that _Undyne_ is one of the people snickering.

"no, but honestly, my brother is really great. he's a way better comedian than i'll ever be, for starters." A lone chuckle somewhere in the back. Sans casually paces back and forth for some time as he speaks. "i noticed it on accident one time when we were out on the town, shopping, mindin' our own business. we were at muffet's pastry stand when i picked up one of the fake-looking cupcakes - yes, the overprized ones that taste like plastic - and made the mistake of saying out loud: _"do they really got muffin better to offer?"_ "

The reaction is much more subdued, as expected of a cheap pun. Papyrus actually vaguely recalls an incident like that, and it occurs to him Sans isn't just making all of this up. That causes him to listen to the story more intently.

"now, the joke in itself isn't even funny, i know that. but geez, i did _not_ know that my bro's opinion on it is not only the same as mine, but about a hundred times stronger. i mean. the sheer _volume_ of his voice and the exertion he musta put in to make his face so red from anger... it was all the more impressive since at the time, he was still shorter than i was."

Another round of laughter, clearly laced with sincere amusement. Some had even chuckled in the middle this time, not waiting for a break in the monologue.

"i discovered two beloved hobbies that day. one: the art of making actual godawful puns; and two: annoying my little brother."

This line emits some noises from a few people in the front row in particular. Sans clearly tries not to laugh at whatever they've said and sips his drink again to hide it. Then he continues.

"so, ever since that fateful time at the pastry stand, i kept slipping in the absolute _worst_ jokes i could think of around him. i even learnt about a hundred "knock knock"-jokes just to get him all riled up all over again."

He stops in the center and earns himself some chuckles again. There's yet to be a break with no sounds of approval at all, besides the intentional beginning of the act. Papyrus... Feels himself relax.

"seriously, i wanted you all to see the face he makes when i say something like: _"sorry i couldn't think of a more humerus joke for my audience,"_ " a couple giggles of recognition, "but there were a few problems with the execution of that idea. the more obvious problem is of course the fact that if he knew why i kept making terrible jokes around him, he'd stop giving me those precious reactions.

"the second problem with it ended up coming to me when i was thinking of a way to trick him on stage. because while i was planning to bring him out to dinner without telling him that i _work_ here, then on my turn pretending like i've had too much to drink and just _wandering on stage_ to make my usual string of the _worst_ jokes you've ever heard, causing him to chase me up and trying to get me back to our table before i _embarrass myself_ further..."

Okay, he might've gotten some of Papyrus' characteristics correctly. He averts his eyes and sees that, despite laughing much less, the rest of audience is as into the performance as he is.

The brief silence from Sans makes his brother look back to him, and he sees the other skeleton is staring down at his drink.

"well, then it just kind of hit me how screwed up our relationship has actually become. for almost the entirety of my brother's life i've been lying straight to his face and inadvertedly _manipulating_ him just to give a few laughs to myself and everyone around me."

Well... That's–

Sans raises his glass again.

" _anyway_... that's how i ended up downing an entire bottle of whiskey before climbing on stage tonight."

He finishes with a casual nod to his drink.

The audience is startled into a loud wave of laughter. Much louder than any of the other standup comedians have yet to receive. Some start clapping and others join in. Sans looks more than pleased with himself, eyes carrying amusement and mischief.

"thank you! give a hand to my brother, papyrus. he's sitting over there," Sans then continues when the noise starts to slowly fade and he points straight at their table. Papyrus is still too stunned to properly process that the spotlight has fixed onto him, but he smiles and waves, even if the motion is meek and shy and so unlike him.

The applause picks up again and a few people even whistle at him, but there's only room for one thought in his head right now.

 _My brother is funny._

Even after the light moves away from him and the night continues as it has this whole time, all Papyrus can really focus on for some time is that one sentence. He has to repeat it to himself inside his head like a mantra long enough that Undyne has to shake him out of it.

"Papyrus? You doing alright?" she asks, and his gaze snaps up to her a little quicker than he expects. He cringes at the fact.

"JUST FINE," he confirms. He turns toward the stage to see that Sans is gone from it. Then he faces Undyne again. "MY... MY BROTHER IS FUNNY," he says uncertainly. Undyne grins at him.

"I know right?! Who would've thought?!" she shoots back at him, then gives a small squeeze to the lizard in her arms. "I thought I'd regret coming here, but Alphys really is a genius!"

"W-w-well! I w-wouldn't go t-that far... I a-already k-knew... I-I mean, I'd seen Sans do t-that, before! Not l-live, of c-course, I w-watched it through t-the cameras I h-had installed in the... The o-old resort, a-and I t-thought he was f-funny!" she stutters out clumsily and takes a deep breath. "I'm more s-shocked that he'd n-never actually s-shown his acts to Papyrus, though."

The skeleton finally allows himself to consider this, but surprisingly, he doesn't find himself to be that angry. Actually, he isn't angry at all.

"I THINK THAT PART WAS PRETTY WELL EXPLAINED JUST NOW, WASN'T IT?" he just says, not giving much of a reaction one way or the other. "HE DIDN'T TELL ME BECAUSE THAT WOULD KILL THE JOKE."

"To be honest, the joke was obvious to everyone but you, Papyrus," Undyne admits with a look of mixed sympathy and exasperation. "Even if I have my problems with your brother, you two can make for a hilarious spectacle. That's why people take videos of you!"

"Undyne is r-right," Alphys nods her confirmation, smiling in a warm manner. "For b-better or for worse, S-Sans has been u-using you as a p-prop for a long t-time."

He pauses to think about it again. He still can't really settle on any particular emotion, but that's mainly because so many pieces are sliding into place inside his skull. It must show on his face, too, if the looks his friends are giving him are anything to go by.

"AH," he manages, then slides out of his seat and stands. "WELL, NOW THAT WE'VE SEEN WHAT WE INTENDED TO, WE SHOULD GO SEE IF SANS IS ALREADY IN THE LOBBY."

"B-but he said he'll m-meet us here," Alphys reminds him quickly. The skeleton smiles at her reassuringly.

"YES, I KNOW! I HAVE NOT BEEN STRUCK WITH A SUDDEN SPELL OF DEMENTIA! BUT I THINK WE SHOULD END THIS NIGHT ON A HIGH NOTE."

"Uh, that's good? I'll go tell our waiter to send the checks to our rooms," Undyne says and gets up from the table. Alphys sighs, but follows her example. The skeleton and scientist make their way out of the restaurant while another act is beginning.

When they reach the lobby, they're greeted by the sight of Sans, who's been walking in the exact direction they're coming from.

"i was gonna–"

"Y-yeah, but w-we decided that w-we've seen enough of the s-show for tonight," Alphys explains before he can finish the sentence. Sans takes a look at Papyrus, then lowers his gaze. He's smiling like he always is, but something about it is making him look a tad more vulnerable than usual.

No, he looks _guilty_ , Papyrus realizes.

"makes sense?" he shrugs, then adopts a more casual stance again. "i saw you enjoyed the show, alph."

"W-when did you e-even sneak a p-peek? I d-didn't notice it!" she exclaims, surprised.

"i didn't. recognized your laughter when i brought up little papyrus throwing a tantrum," he tells her in a teasing manner. Alphys blushes, mostly because it brings to her attention how loud she must've been.

"I-it was a funny m-mental image!"

"You two done already?!" Undyne intercepts when she walks over to the group. The attention shifts to her.

"P-pretty much," Alphys tells her, then looks between the two brothers. "Y-you know w-what? I t-think we should g-go practise that d-driving game y-you-" Undyne is making a startled cutthroat gesture. "I mean...!"

"She _means_ , we were gonna go watch me be the BEST at EVERYTHING at the arcade! Right, sweetie?" the fish monster corrects hastily.

"R-right! W-we'll catch you t-tomorrow at the l-latest, no?"

"YES, UNDYNE AND I NEED TO GET BACK TO THE ACADEMY," Papyrus confirms, smiling. "HAVE FUN TRYING TO BEAT MY HIGH SCORE IN THE DRIVING GAME!" Undyne frowns.

"You know what?! I WILL beat it!" she challenges with a groan, then pushes Alphys toward the game room. "I'll show you as soon as I do!"

"I'LL BE WAITING!" he confirms, waving at the pair as they disappear into the separate space. Then he turns to Sans, who has his hands deep in his pockets and is avoiding looking at his brother.

He resists the urge to sigh.

"SANS," he begins and the other looks up at him, "I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS A PART OF YOUR ACT."

Whatever it is in that sentence that makes the smaller skeleton visibly relax, Papyrus is glad for it.

"that one was actually the first thing i ever performed underground," Sans tells him, shrugging like it's no big deal. "figured it was appropriate tonight."

"DOES THIS MEAN YOU'LL FINALLY STOP MAKING AWFUL JOKES AT MY EXPENSE?" the younger skeleton questions, eye sockets narrowed. The older only looks amused.

"for the most part. comedy never goes away, right? just evolves," he reasons. Fair enough, but a displeased groan still leaves Papyrus.

That thought returns into his head.

"MY BROTHER IS FUNNY," he repeats it, with more confidence this time. Sans' eye sockets widen and his expression brightens considerably.

"thanks, bro."

The sincerity of the statement is touching.


End file.
